A Letter to My Future Self: Mairead Kennedy

Dear Mairead,

Arriving to your freshman year of college, the feelings have been constantly fluctuating. Opening the acceptance letter from Wesleyan University was the largest accomplishment that has entered your personal world thus far, and easily the most exciting letter that you have ever received. The opportunities ahead of you seemed to be endless, and there was absolutely nothing in the entirety of the universe that could put a stop to your growth. That was until the pandemic hit. Senior spring came to a halt and before you knew it, you were sitting in a college dorm in Middletown, Connecticut, taking all of your courses through a laptop. Not to mention, all of the work that you put into playing hockey in college finally paid off! But, there probably will not be a season. Hopefully, and probably, this seems like a million years ago in your life now. 

At this point, I am currently finding that there is more to life than playing hockey and keeping up with my “normal” lifestyle. The normal that I am referring to here is skating with my teammates during the fall, walking to class on the weekdays, socializing on the weekends, and occasionally doing my school work in public areas. Having restrictions on activities as simple as these really seemed like I would be living on an entirely new planet. Despite the fact that I am now keeping a physical distance from every person, student or faculty, at Wesleyan, I have been able to begin learning new concepts and building friendships. The decision that I made while signing up for classes was to take advantage of the open curriculum that is offered. I am now enrolled in two dance classes, which was one of my ways of taking a chance, while many aspects of my life have been cut short by the necessary safety regulations. Physical movement plays a large role in keeping my personal sanity, especially when life is not seeming to go my way. Having hockey taken out of my life throughout this pandemic has made me obviously less active, so joining dance classes has become a way for me to stay moving, and not lose my mental stability. 

I have not only been able to stay active, but also have learned a tremendous amount about what movement means and the culture of dance, specifically in Indonesia. Becoming a better dancer has actually been my last intention while participating in these courses. Specifically in one of the courses, I have been able to read about the culture and dance practices of Yogyakarta, which is in Central Java in Indonesia. The way that their court dances reflect the history of the island has taught me so much about the meaning of dance. Dance is often referred to as a universal language, however it can only truly be understood after there is a deep understanding of the history and culture of where the dance originated. Now that I have this knowledge, I believe that I am much more aware of the cultural differences that exist within the world of dance, and the arts in general. This has developed my open-mindedness in the sense that I am aware of the differences and similarities that surround me, and am not afraid to confront these comparisons. Coming face to face with differences has been difficult for me, as I have lived a very static lifestyle. This growth within myself has truly been beneficial in my acceptance of what is going on around me.

Taking into account the fact that abrupt situations are more common than I had believed prior to the pandemic hitting, I have had to grow a lot in these past few months. I have had to come to terms with being forced to adapt to my surroundings. Learning how to be okay with being alone for long periods of time due to the regulations on campus was a personal obstacle for myself. Although, I am aware that my struggles during the pandemic have not been nearly as bad as others, I still feel that I have become more resilient throughout it. Even just witnessing all that has been going on, outside of just the pandemic, has changed my outlook on the world in many ways. As cliche as it sounds, every day is a blessing, and there should not be any issue that has the ability to terminate my personal advancements. Although there are so many tragedies happening in my life right now, it has given me the ability to create a voice. 

I have high hopes that the problems that exist in my life right now are at least beginning to wither away when you are reading this, four years from now. People have started to take action, and even the pandemic seems to be retracting. Therefore, I will assume that you have gotten through it. As long as people have continued to do their part, I believe that the problems regarding Covid-19, along with the regulations that came with it, will be long gone. I also have faith in society that more ongoing issues, such as systematic racism and ignorance of climate change, will be coming to an end as well. It is so important that people continue to promote activism for what they believe in. If these issues are still ongoing, or have gotten worse, I am telling you that you must do something about it, no matter how afraid you are. There is no time to sit back and wait. This concept has really latched onto me while living during this pandemic because there are so many people that have lost any opportunity to make a change. Whether it is something tiny or bigger than you can dream, there is no point in waiting it out. I have figured out the hard way that life can come to a quick stop when you least expect it, so do all that you can every single day. Definitely do not forget about the little things as well, like shaking hands with strangers or even smiling to passersby without a mask covering your face.  

There is definitely a part of me that still feels some sadness when I recall my expectations of my first year at college. I tend to think back to my plans of developing lifelong relationships with students and professors, and then thinking that there is not a chance that I could ever achieve this. However, fortunately, nobody is alone throughout this. Life could always be worse. There is more to living than you can see on the surface. I am sure that you are still carrying these virtues with you as you graduate and move on. I hope that you are living your best life, considering the crazy world that the year 2020 made for you.

Sincerely and with love,

Mairead

Written by Mairead Kennedy